Change, Sometimes, Is All You Need

As if last year wasn't full of enough of changes---selling/buying a house, Jas started kindie, etc-- this year (being the fall/school start time) was also a big change for us as a family. Aram started preschool (more on this in another blog soon) and I got a new job. After 7 years of working with students with disabilities ages 18-21 years of age (college age) I went back into a high school setting and in a new district too. For years I had poo pooed the biggest district in our region, calling it names as the Empire, the Dark Side, etc, but for several reason I ended up applying to this said school district.

I had lost the enthusiasm and love that had allowed me to pour all my dedication and admiration into teaching for reasons that have now been lost among my travels. So when my bestie said "lets leave together," I did not blink before I said yes. Although I left behind some of my closest allies, supporters, and colleagues (not to mention my beloved students), I could not be happier with my move.

There was a spark that had been lit growing in me for years, as I watched some of my favorite people make life altering changes in front of my eyes. One girlfriend went and taught in Indonesia. My old boss, who really "brought me up" in the world of special ed, moved to The Empire for her dream job. Another one retired and moved to the east coast. As I watched one by one, make a change to better themselves and not allow the hypocrisy of a district (and it's initiatives) stop them from doing it, I realized I to could do this. So when the time came, I swallowed and stepped forward to accept change.

Two things major came of this for me.

The first being that, I feel like I am a mom, for the first time really in 6 years. Not a mother, a mom. I come home and want to play...really get down...do art, get messy, sword fight, look-forward-to-bed-time-connecting and snuggling kind of mom. For years I had been struggling with the guilt of being a working mom since I would come home exhausted unable to really be present for anyone in my family. Kinda floating through the duties of motherhood. It wasn't really guilt over being a mom, I now realize, but a guilt that I constantly had to choose my job over my family in order to be successful. In my new job not only am I not over worked, I actually have time in my job to do it well with love and enthusiasm again, and BE A MOM!

The second is that I know I can now handle change, and those around me can too. Sure, it is uncomfortable, and sometimes really hard (cliche cliche cliche). I now know, it is worth it. And yeah, although I am still working in a broken dysfunctional system of inequality based on white privilege and socioeconomic status, the change was all I needed to renew my soul and keep fighting. So sometimes change is hard, easy, fun, whatever it is, really, it is all you truly need.